Alex Trebek: Name one thing that’s more self indulgent than starting a blog?
Me: What is…assuming someone you went on a few dates with was definitely into you, but you weren’t into them, so you went ahead and did the “slow fade” only to realize a few months or years later that it was dick move and you want to apologize. So then you think all is absolved by sending an e-mail???
Absolution by e-mail works, right? I tend to fancy myself a pretty decent Jeopardy contestant, but it’s quite possible I got this answer wrong. Regardless, it’s exactly what I did tonight.
In light of a recent break-up, I’ve been super reminiscent about how I have personally left things with a number of people I dated and started to feel really bad about the times I’ve implemented the “slow fade.”
slow fade: [sloh feyd] – noun – to date someone for a bit, pretend to make plans with him/her, only to realize you’re not really that into it and then “something suddenly comes up” or you’re too busy with work or yadda yadda yadda..until you don’t feel obligated to respond anymore.
now this is a tactic regularly employed on me by men in various stages of dating, and I have to tell you it feels like SHIT! so when I came to realize recently that I had done this to a handful of others, I figured it was time to do the right thing and apologize. via e-mail. that’s noble, right?
because I can’t do anything without the consent of others, I immediately spilled the beans to a close friend about what it was that I was doing. this rather astute friend of mine pointed out the fact that…maybe these guys didn’t really care that I never called them back and perhaps my apology was rather self indulgent. how dare I think they were waiting on the other end of the telephone, expecting me to follow up after months or years of not returning that oh-so-poetic last text message about grabbing a drink after work?
the truth of the matter is that I don’t really give a fuck. if there’s one thing that I’ve learned in my dating experience thus far, it’s that you have to do what you have to do to make yourself feel good, worthy and valued in the situation. sometimes that means cutting things off and spending time by yourself…sometimes that means sending a generic e-mail to people you may or may not have “slow faded”…and it almost always means filing those people into a folder of your past, pulling out a bottle of wine and watching jeopardy by yourself.